====== Rhandom Quotes ====== ===== Phoenix Command ===== "Ma, when I said I wanted a new Cap and Ball, I meant a gun!" * Mean Marc MacMyer \\ "What we need in this town is more Law and Order."\\ "What we need in this town is more gallows."\\ "Well, I guess what we really need in this town is a bigger cemetery." * Mayor Winterbotham \\ "Well, if Tex has four Aces, Ralph has four Aces, and I have four Aces, I figure that one of us is probably cheating." * Gus \\ "By sundown? I'm sorry, I just don't see how I can do it. I have my horse to shoe, laundry to pick up, packing still to do.... How about if I get out of town by, say, Thursday evening, Friday morning at the latest?" * Killer Keith MacMyer \\ "Of course I joined the outlaws. They have the coolest outfits." * Tex \\ "Hey kid, you're too young to use a Chainsaw. How about a nice blender or something?" * Sergeant Servo \\ "Alright, I want a clean fight. No hitting below the belt. Begin"\\ BLAM!\\ "Hmm. Well, that's not quite what I had in mind, but nice shot. It appeared we have a new heavyweight champion." * B. Toast \\ "I've never shot a man who wasn't at the end of my bayonet." * Bayonet Pete, a man largely unclear on small arms tactics \\ "...and if the bayonet becomes stuck, you can always free the weapon by firing it." * Field Marshall Paul Maul's Tactical Manual \\ "How do you expect me to fight with this helmet on? And this ammo weighs a ton!" * Humbert NoDose \\ "If you can't dazzle them with style, riddle them with bullets"\\ "...And if you can't riddle them with bullets, fry them like an egg." * Corely Norris \\ "I would, but my ankle hurts." * Humbert NoDose \\ "This war will not end until there is Just Us!" * Ictentrid O'Reilly \\ "It is better to have fought and died, than never to have fought at all... well maybe not." * Din the Decisive \\ "Don't think of it as being vastly outnumbered, think of it as having a very wide shot selection." * Generalissimo Puerco, President for Life \\ "Is it supposed to smoke like this?" * Trebor Nawoc \\ "Grenade? Where?" * Bruce the Blind \\ "For a lasting victory, we must bury their hearts and minds." * Paul Maul \\ "Join the Army...where everyday could be your last!" * Sgt. Ingram \\ "Listen, when I want your opinion, I'll tell you what it is." * Sgt. Ingram \\ "I think I'm allergic to war." * Din the Decisive \\ "Once you've pulled the pin out of Mr. Grenade, he is no longer your friend." * Sgt. Servo \\ "Who died and made you Lieutenant?"\\ "Listen, Lieutenant; No food, No fight."\\ "Listen Lieutenant, we either do it my way or I'll have to shoot you." * Sgt. Servo \\ "Well, at least I have a hobby." * Pete the Pyromaniac \\ "Well, you can either surrender...or you can become a human hibachi." * The Torch Patrol \\ "Violence is Golden." * Corely Norris \\ Crunch. Snap. Rattle.\\ "The only surprise in this attack is that they haven't opened fire on us yet." * Daclod McDraco, Commando Extraordinaire \\ "Well, perhaps you shouldn't have believed him when he told you his gun was empty. He's the ENEMY." * Lt. Derek \\ "Sarge, I've gotten both of my arms disabled again. What are the rules for Primary and Off-Foot shooting?" * Private Lefty \\ "I don't think they'll come out of their bunker...even if we ask them nicely." * Private Humbert \\ "Have you finished cleaning Gerfel off the tank yet?" * Draclod McDraco Tank Commander Extraordinaire \\ "No retreat, no surrender...most of the time." * Din the Decisive \\ "Boyar hasn't returned from patrol, sir. He's still bouncing around the minefield." * Corporal Nawoc \\ "How bad am I hurt?" * Boyar "Well, we're treating your case as an Impending Homicide" * Officer Eric \\ "The richer you are, the cheaper life becomes." * Norman Steele \\ "You only think you're winning because you have more guns and more ammunition. We have more casualties." * Humbert No-Dose \\ "I'll distract him with idle conversation. You blow him up." * Lindsey \\ "Don't put off until tomorrow what you can demolish today." * Corley Norris \\ "He sent his sympathies...postage due." * O. Man \\ "Well, you missed the enemy, but that tree will never be the same." * Derek \\ "I don't think any of us will ever forget Louie. Ever since the explosion there's a little piece of him on all of us." * Trebor Nawoc \\ "One more word out of you, and you'll be our next adjustment shot." * Field Marshal Paul Maul \\ "There's a surprise out there with your name on it. Your name is Claymore, isn't it?" * Sgt. Ingram \\ "Look on the bright side. Dying is the next best thing to living." * Sgt. Strict \\ "Sorry, Captain, but it sure didn't look like a friendly aircraft from here." * Schnurda \\ "Fine, shoot off my other leg. See if I care." * Ridan \\ "Don't make me blow you up." * Kyle the Walking Claymore \\ "If all of your friends threw themselves on grenades, would you do it too?" * Sgt. Servo \\ "Of course they're loyal to me. I have the best troops money can buy." * Corely Norris "Look, I went off duty 10 minutes ago. You shoot him." * Officer Eric \\ "I do not consider you expendable. You are just easily replaced." * Captain Austin Blackwell \\ "Shape up or get shot." * Captain Austin Blackwell \\ "There is no such thing as Overkill." * Corely Norris \\ "Never admit defeat. Just blame it on someone else." * Sgt. Servo \\ "It's true that I don't like you. But being ordered to kill you is just a happy coincidence." * Sgt. Servo \\ "Wait a minute. This smacks of Morality and Democracy." * Hurlo Squidicus \\ "How do you expect me to hit anything when they all keep moving?" * Humbert No-Dose \\ "He was wrong, so I shot him. Where's the harm in that?" * Hamilcar \\ Blam. Blam. Blam. Click. Click.\\ "Stop Police" * Officer Cord Roberts (AKA "Rip-Cord") \\ "No one ever won a war by spending his economy into bankruptcy. He won the war by making the other poor dumb guy spend his economy into bankruptcy." * Marshall Paul "Blood 'n Bucks" Maul \\ "Yes, we have a high Kill Ratio. I only wish it was in our favor." * Gerfel \\ "There is a time and a place for everything, except peace." * Corely Norris \\ "If you don't shoot me, I'll be your best friend." * S. Silver \\ "This whole 'fair fight' thing is nice in theory, but if we actually implement it, we could get hurt." * Humbert \\ "There's a place in this war for everyone. Your's just happens to be six feet under." * Captain Austin D. Blackwell \\ "You want to try to hit many people with one bullet each, not one person with all of your bullets." * Lt. Derek \\ "You're not qualified to supervise. You don't have a whistle." * Schnurda \\ "A soldier's life may seem glamorous; mindless violence, endless drill, years of war and gut-wrenching hardship...but there's a lot more to it than that." * Sgt. Ingram \\ "If the attack works, we're all heroes. If not, we'll get a group discount at the cemetary." * Draclod McDraco \\ "I'd like to think I was being shot by a better class of person." * Trebor Nawac \\ "Targets can't be choosers." * Corely Norris \\ "If God hadn't meant them to be stepped on he wouldn't have given me feet." * Captain Austin D. Blackwell \\ "People - you can't live with them, you can't kill enough of them to make a difference." * Norman Steele \\ "People - you can't live with them, you can't hit them in the head with a ten pound rock." * Trebor \\ "You'll know when I'm talking to you, because my gun will be pointing at you." * Captain Austin D. Blackwell \\ "You'd know if I thought it was your fault because you'd be dead." * Captain Austin D. Blackwell \\ "I've made my decision and I'm standing by it... if that's OK with everyone else." * Private Humbert \\ "They're shooting back. This is not my idea of a fair fight." * Ridan \\ "Well, Major, I don't think it would be fair to you as a person for me to respect you until I get to know you better." * Sgt. Servo \\ "I knew I'd get shot at when I enlisted. I just didn't think I'd get hit." * Gerfel \\ "I'm not interested in making new friends. I don't even like the ones I have." * Captain Austin D. Blackwell \\ "Is that an order, sir, or are you just being rude?" * Sgt. Servo \\ "You may have superior weaponry, but you're also out of ammo, and I've still got plenty of rocks." * Norman Steele \\ "He who laughs last gets shot first." * Corely Norris \\ "If I weren't so badly wounded and you weren't so much bigger than I am, I might take offense to that. " * Din the Decisive \\ "You can stop being useless now. The crisis has passed." * Derek \\ "I wouldn't mind getting mauled by wild animals so often if it didn't hurt so much." * Bwana Dick \\ "You've got the safari hat, so you'll be our animal expert." * Gordon Stauffer, Ranger \\ "Why would I want more troops? Some of the ones I have here are still alive." * Ictentrid O'Reilly \\ "At first it really hurt, like somebody had thrown a spear through my head. But it turned out it was just a javelin." * Darantz \\ "Was that your last bullet? OK then, you're under arrest." * Officer Eric