“Ma, when I said I wanted a new Cap and Ball, I meant a gun!”

• Mean Marc MacMyer

“What we need in this town is more Law and Order.”
“What we need in this town is more gallows.”
“Well, I guess what we really need in this town is a bigger cemetery.”

• Mayor Winterbotham

“Well, if Tex has four Aces, Ralph has four Aces, and I have four Aces, I figure that one of us is probably cheating.”

• Gus

“By sundown? I'm sorry, I just don't see how I can do it. I have my horse to shoe, laundry to pick up, packing still to do…. How about if I get out of town by, say, Thursday evening, Friday morning at the latest?”

• Killer Keith MacMyer

“Of course I joined the outlaws. They have the coolest outfits.”

• Tex

“Hey kid, you're too young to use a Chainsaw. How about a nice blender or something?”

• Sergeant Servo

“Alright, I want a clean fight. No hitting below the belt. Begin”
BLAM!
“Hmm. Well, that's not quite what I had in mind, but nice shot. It appeared we have a new heavyweight champion.”

• B. Toast

“I've never shot a man who wasn't at the end of my bayonet.”

• Bayonet Pete, a man largely unclear on small arms tactics

“…and if the bayonet becomes stuck, you can always free the weapon by firing it.”

• Field Marshall Paul Maul's Tactical Manual

“How do you expect me to fight with this helmet on? And this ammo weighs a ton!”

• Humbert NoDose

“If you can't dazzle them with style, riddle them with bullets”
“…And if you can't riddle them with bullets, fry them like an egg.”

• Corely Norris

“I would, but my ankle hurts.”

• Humbert NoDose

“This war will not end until there is Just Us!”

• Ictentrid O'Reilly

“It is better to have fought and died, than never to have fought at all… well maybe not.”

• Din the Decisive

“Don't think of it as being vastly outnumbered, think of it as having a very wide shot selection.”

• Generalissimo Puerco, President for Life

“Is it supposed to smoke like this?”

• Trebor Nawoc

“Grenade? Where?”

• Bruce the Blind

“For a lasting victory, we must bury their hearts and minds.”

• Paul Maul

“Join the Army…where everyday could be your last!”

• Sgt. Ingram

“Listen, when I want your opinion, I'll tell you what it is.”

• Sgt. Ingram

“I think I'm allergic to war.”

• Din the Decisive

“Once you've pulled the pin out of Mr. Grenade, he is no longer your friend.”

• Sgt. Servo

“Who died and made you Lieutenant?”
“Listen, Lieutenant; No food, No fight.”
“Listen Lieutenant, we either do it my way or I'll have to shoot you.”

• Sgt. Servo

“Well, at least I have a hobby.”

• Pete the Pyromaniac

“Well, you can either surrender…or you can become a human hibachi.”

• The Torch Patrol

“Violence is Golden.”

• Corely Norris

Crunch. Snap. Rattle.
“The only surprise in this attack is that they haven't opened fire on us yet.”

• Daclod McDraco, Commando Extraordinaire

“Well, perhaps you shouldn't have believed him when he told you his gun was empty. He's the ENEMY.”

• Lt. Derek

“Sarge, I've gotten both of my arms disabled again. What are the rules for Primary and Off-Foot shooting?”

• Private Lefty

“I don't think they'll come out of their bunker…even if we ask them nicely.”

• Private Humbert

“Have you finished cleaning Gerfel off the tank yet?”

• Draclod McDraco Tank Commander Extraordinaire

“No retreat, no surrender…most of the time.”

• Din the Decisive

“Boyar hasn't returned from patrol, sir. He's still bouncing around the minefield.”

• Corporal Nawoc

“How bad am I hurt?”

• Boyar

“Well, we're treating your case as an Impending Homicide”

• Officer Eric

“The richer you are, the cheaper life becomes.”

• Norman Steele

“You only think you're winning because you have more guns and more ammunition. We have more casualties.”

• Humbert No-Dose

“I'll distract him with idle conversation. You blow him up.”

• Lindsey

“Don't put off until tomorrow what you can demolish today.”

• Corley Norris

“He sent his sympathies…postage due.”

• O. Man

“Well, you missed the enemy, but that tree will never be the same.”

• Derek

“I don't think any of us will ever forget Louie. Ever since the explosion there's a little piece of him on all of us.”

• Trebor Nawoc

“One more word out of you, and you'll be our next adjustment shot.”

• Field Marshal Paul Maul

“There's a surprise out there with your name on it. Your name is Claymore, isn't it?”

• Sgt. Ingram

“Look on the bright side. Dying is the next best thing to living.”

• Sgt. Strict

“Sorry, Captain, but it sure didn't look like a friendly aircraft from here.”

• Schnurda

“Fine, shoot off my other leg. See if I care.”

• Ridan

“Don't make me blow you up.”

• Kyle the Walking Claymore

“If all of your friends threw themselves on grenades, would you do it too?”

• Sgt. Servo

“Of course they're loyal to me. I have the best troops money can buy.”

• Corely Norris

“Look, I went off duty 10 minutes ago. You shoot him.”

• Officer Eric

“I do not consider you expendable. You are just easily replaced.”

• Captain Austin Blackwell

“Shape up or get shot.”

• Captain Austin Blackwell

“There is no such thing as Overkill.”

• Corely Norris

“Never admit defeat. Just blame it on someone else.”

• Sgt. Servo

“It's true that I don't like you. But being ordered to kill you is just a happy coincidence.”

• Sgt. Servo

“Wait a minute. This smacks of Morality and Democracy.”

• Hurlo Squidicus

“How do you expect me to hit anything when they all keep moving?”

• Humbert No-Dose

“He was wrong, so I shot him. Where's the harm in that?”

• Hamilcar

Blam. Blam. Blam. Click. Click.
“Stop Police”

• Officer Cord Roberts (AKA “Rip-Cord”)

“No one ever won a war by spending his economy into bankruptcy. He won the war by making the other poor dumb guy spend his economy into bankruptcy.”

• Marshall Paul “Blood 'n Bucks” Maul

“Yes, we have a high Kill Ratio. I only wish it was in our favor.”

• Gerfel

“There is a time and a place for everything, except peace.”

• Corely Norris

“If you don't shoot me, I'll be your best friend.”

• S. Silver

“This whole 'fair fight' thing is nice in theory, but if we actually implement it, we could get hurt.”

• Humbert

“There's a place in this war for everyone. Your's just happens to be six feet under.”

• Captain Austin D. Blackwell

“You want to try to hit many people with one bullet each, not one person with all of your bullets.”

• Lt. Derek

“You're not qualified to supervise. You don't have a whistle.”

• Schnurda

“A soldier's life may seem glamorous; mindless violence, endless drill, years of war and gut-wrenching hardship…but there's a lot more to it than that.”

• Sgt. Ingram

“If the attack works, we're all heroes. If not, we'll get a group discount at the cemetary.”

• Draclod McDraco

“I'd like to think I was being shot by a better class of person.”

• Trebor Nawac

“Targets can't be choosers.”

• Corely Norris

“If God hadn't meant them to be stepped on he wouldn't have given me feet.”

• Captain Austin D. Blackwell

“People - you can't live with them, you can't kill enough of them to make a difference.”

• Norman Steele

“People - you can't live with them, you can't hit them in the head with a ten pound rock.”

• Trebor

“You'll know when I'm talking to you, because my gun will be pointing at you.”

• Captain Austin D. Blackwell

“You'd know if I thought it was your fault because you'd be dead.”

• Captain Austin D. Blackwell

“I've made my decision and I'm standing by it… if that's OK with everyone else.”

• Private Humbert

“They're shooting back. This is not my idea of a fair fight.”

• Ridan

“Well, Major, I don't think it would be fair to you as a person for me to respect you until I get to know you better.”

• Sgt. Servo

“I knew I'd get shot at when I enlisted. I just didn't think I'd get hit.”

• Gerfel

“I'm not interested in making new friends. I don't even like the ones I have.”

• Captain Austin D. Blackwell

“Is that an order, sir, or are you just being rude?”

• Sgt. Servo

“You may have superior weaponry, but you're also out of ammo, and I've still got plenty of rocks.”

• Norman Steele

“He who laughs last gets shot first.”

• Corely Norris

“If I weren't so badly wounded and you weren't so much bigger than I am, I might take offense to that. ”

• Din the Decisive

“You can stop being useless now. The crisis has passed.”

• Derek

“I wouldn't mind getting mauled by wild animals so often if it didn't hurt so much.”

• Bwana Dick

“You've got the safari hat, so you'll be our animal expert.”

• Gordon Stauffer, Ranger

“Why would I want more troops? Some of the ones I have here are still alive.”

• Ictentrid O'Reilly

“At first it really hurt, like somebody had thrown a spear through my head. But it turned out it was just a javelin.”

• Darantz

“Was that your last bullet? OK then, you're under arrest.”

• Officer Eric